


Why am I so wrong

by NnnnnNanio



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Minecraft, No Romance, Tommy centric, sad Tommy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:00:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27124877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NnnnnNanio/pseuds/NnnnnNanio
Summary: Non-binary Tommy innit cause I said so.This is a work of fiction, not real. Don't be weird about it, it was an idea that just sat in my brain to I said fuck it why not, I have no idea how to use ao3 so bare with me. This probably won't we good ngl,Idk man, enby tommyAlso! English is my first language and k can't speak it very well, sorry for my spelling and any errors and typos
Comments: 31
Kudos: 378





	1. Chapter 1

Tommy layed on their bed, a horrid feeling twisted in their gut as they stared at the ceiling. They felt so wrong. Everything felt so wrong, the way their chest hurt as if someone was standing on them. 

Everytime he was called a boy, man, sir, brother, he, him, it all made them want to puke. They knew it was weird, they were a boy.. But it felt so wrong, being a boy felt so wrong. 

They felt like they were faking it because they still liked wearing more masculine clothes but hated being called masculine pronouns, they felt like they were messed up, they should be happy being a boy... But they aren't. 

Tommy tried to come off as the most masculine man they could, mentioning it as often as possible but it all felt wrong. They were not a boy, they didn't want to be a boy, they hated being a boy. But they're supposed to be a boy, what's wrong with them? 

Tommy sighed and sat up, they went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, they liked what they saw, Tommy really did love themself, but they just didn't want to be a boy. Tommy liked their hair, their eyes, their face, everything but their gender. They felt ridiculous, being this upset over it. 

Tommy washed their face with water, dried off and went back into their room, 

They had a stream scheduled on the dream smp server but they just felt so tried and sick, sick of going on camera, it felt so wrong. They loved making videos, they loved streaming, they loved their viewers and they loved their channel. But they felt so gross and wrong that the idea of being on camera for the world to see made their head spin. 

Even so, Tommy stood up and went to their computer. They took a deep breath and started the stream. 

It wasn't a huge lore filled stream, more of a chill stream with their friends..

Tommy's friends, they knew they'd be supportive... I mean, Eret was bisexual and all, Wilbur and Techno were like their brothers. Tubbo was their best friend, they knew they'd be supportive yet the feeling that they might hate them made their heart sink and their eyes sting.

So they still haven't told them about it, they would stream, have fun, end the stream and cry. Cry because they just wanted to be themself.

\--

Techno was one of the first to notice that Tommy was acting odd, he knew Tommy had 'his' moments of being weird bit this was weird in a bad way, TommyInnit was quiet, 'he' wasnt screaming and going nuts, 'he' looked so tired and.. And sad? It made techno feel things, he wasn't sure what he was feeling but it wasn't a good feeling. 

He could tell Wilbur was catching on as well. They all got suspicious though when one of Tommy's donations read out 

'Hey Tommy, you're a child. A little baby boy.," 

It was a stupid message, made to poke fun at the 16 year old. Tommy just paused, the way 'his' breath hitched before forcing out a laugh (that sounded fake,not gonna lie).

"HA! I am not a child! I-im a m.. I'm a m.. Man I'm not a baby.. Boy.. A.. Man" Tommy started off with a lot of confidence, faked, bit confidence. As he went though 'he' lost it all, 'he' was shaking and 'he ' looked like 'he' might expload.

Everyone got quiet, did Tommy. Did they just watch Tommy have a breakdown over a small troll donation? Something was wrong.

"..im ending the stream.. " Tommy whispered and just like that 'he' closed the stream. 

Techno anf the others said bye to their viewers, Tommy was more important right now.

The discord call was silent for a while, sapnap decided to break the ice, "..Tommy you okay buddy?" 

"what??" 'he' said in an over-exaggerated way. Techno pursed his lips bit stayed quiet, he wasn't good at this type of thing so he for the lost part stayed quiet. 

"Tommy are you okay?" Tubbo chimed in, worried for his friend. Even though non of them could see Tommy they could hear the way 'his' words got caught in 'his' throat, the way 'he' softly sputtered and went quiet. 

"we ended our streams, you know you can tell us anything right? You can trust us" Dream said softly, this wasn't the Tommy they all knew, Tommy was loud and confident, this Tommy was being quiet... Techno made jokes about it but he was really worried for 'him'. Techno saw Tommy as a.. Brother.. And wanted to make sure 'he' was okay. 

"Yeah! I'm doing good! I'm feeling f-fine!" Tommy said softly, almost as if 'he' was trying to convince 'himself' as well. 

"..really? Tommy I'm worried, are you okay?" Tubbo said softly. There was a long pause. It started to get uncomfortable ,

\--

Something in Tommy broke, 

"yup! I'm o-okay..im.. I'm okay.. I am.. I am.. I- oh god.. I'm not okay no no I'm not" they whispered, tears slipping down their face.

What where they gonna say!? Should they just tell the truth? Tell them everything? Tommt gripped the arm of their chair and let out a soft whimper. 

"I-i think there's something wrong with me.." Tommy mumblef. 

"..what do you mean??" George asked carefully. Non of the adults wanted to say something wrong, Tommy just started crying. Tommyinnit never cries. 

"...i dont think I'm a boy... " Tommy said softly, "I-i think I'm wrong... I have to be wrong... I'm a boy, I am a boy... But I hate it, I hate bing called a boy, I hate bing called a man, I hate it I hate it it hurts! I-i know I should be happy with the gender I have but I'm not... Every day every stream I get bombarded with he/him and it hurts so much... There's something wrong with me... I dint feel like a boy, but I don't think I'm a girl either I still l-like masculine clothes but t-the pronouns hurt at really d-does I don't know what to d-do! What's wrong with me?... What am i? Why am I like this?" Tommy sobbed out. 

The entire group went silent, Tommy was dealing with this all alone? No one new what to say.

The silence started to worry Tommy, "oh my god sorry I'm sorry ignore that haha I was joking!! I got ya! Haha just forget about it I'm fine I'm fine dont hate me please I'm sorry" Tommy sobbed, his.. His?? Not his.. Their? Yeah their breathing becoming sharp and their mind becoming fuzzy. 

This caused everyone in the group to panic, "NONONOnono Tommy no one hates you it's okay!" Tubbo said quickly, trying to get his friend to calm down.

"Tommy breathe breathe! Shh it's okay, no one hates you here, it's okay. " Wilbur cut in, keeling his voice soft.

"Tommy there's nothing wrong with you, " Techno said softly. Tommy just let out another sob, 

"Tommy I think I know what you are, in the lgbt community we have a thing called non-binary... It can mean you don't like being referred to as male or female. A lot of people are non-binary Tommy, there is nothing wrong with you, I promise. And we love you no matter what. " Eret stepped in, 

"..n-non binary?" Tommy repeated softly.. "yeah, they often don't use male and female pronouns. Some do, but some use they/them pronouns. Does that sound okay to you? Not being a he, or a him. Would you like to be called they them?" Eret asked. 

Tommy thought for a moment... It sounded weird, but so right. They let out another soft sob, but it was more out of relief. 

"yeah.. Yeah I-i think I would... " Tommy said softly... A small smile on their face. 

"are you gonna tell your viewers?" George chimed in, tommy went quiet,

"I dunno, maybe? I don't think I-im ready for that yet... " Tommy admitted...

"that's alright, we will all try out hardest to use the correct pronouns, do you want us to use them on stream too? Viewers might pick up," Dream added. Tommy sighed softly, 

"...please... I really hate male pronouns, I don't think I can tell them yet, but I don't think I can handle being called a... A he for much longer... This probably makes no sense I feel stupid..." Tommy mumbled, 

"don't, it's okay tommy. " Techno said softly, "yeah, it's alright Tommy no one is judging you. " Wilbur added.

"we want you to be comfortable!" Tubbo said happily. 

"...thanks guys, it really means a lot.. " Tommy said with a smile. A few more tears of relief and happiness slipped down their face. 

They were so lucky, so happy to have friends who cared and loved them.


	2. There is nothing wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ....so I gota few comments that mentioned a part 2. So yeah. Ask what this is it's not as structured as the first chap thingy. Idk

It had been three week since Tommy had come out to their friends. Everything had gone well, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off Tommy's chest and they could breathe again. 

They came out to their parents a couple days after their friends, luckily their parents where super supportive and tried to switch pronouns as quickly as possible. 

They still went by he/him pronouns at school and online but to their friends and most of their family they where just Tommy, non-binary, they/them. 

Everyone on the server had gotten pretty used to calling Tommy by their pronouns, every once and a while they'd slip up on accident but they always apologised, corrected themself and moved on. It honestly relieved Tommy that their friends wernt making it some huge thing. I mean, obviously it was important and they really appreciated it, but they were glad they didn't treat them differently in any way. 

Today though, Today was the day. Three week after finally coming to terms with themself, they thought their viewers should know too. 

They felt a sense of anxiety rush over them. They had Wilbur with them at their house to keep them calm. They really appreciated it. They took a deep breath and started the stream. 

"Hey guys, welcome to the stream. This will be a much different stream then usual. A more serious stream, I have Wilbur with me-" " hello!" Wilbur cut in which made tommy laugh. "-and were gonna have a little talk. " Tommy finished. 

"so... I guess we should call this what it is. This is my coming out video.... Stream? Well it'll be a video on YouTube but right now it's a stream... Whatever. Yeah so this is my coming out video" Tommy said with a shaky sigh. Wilbur slipped his hand into theirs and gave it a soft squeeze. (don't ship them this is brotherly) 

The chat blew up. People spamming keyboard smashes and gay flags with question marks. Tommy tried not to look at the chat. 

"so... I'm... When it comes to me and my... Gender identity-" with that the chat when ballistic. This was not a sexuality reveal. 

"I've always felt... Weird about it, Y'kow? Um, google defined it as gender dysphoria... I think... Um, so a big thing on my channel is how often I press that I'm a... Man.. That I'm manly n shit, but really that was me forcing myself to be something I'm not. I tried so fucking hard to be okay with it. To man up, be the bigger man all that Bullshit but the reality hit me. I'm not a man, i'm not a boy, i'm not a male. " they swallowed thickly and for the first time since the stream started, looked up at the camera. 

"I'm non-binary. I use they/them pronouns. " they said with confidence they didn't know they had. They glanced at Wilbur who gave them a little smile. A proud smile. 

"so yeah... If you don't like that, well first off that's not very Pog of you and second you can pack it up and get the fuck out. " Tommy stated. More confidence in their words. They looked at the camera, fully serious. 

"and any hate or missgendering on purpose will not be tolerated. If you do this, you will be banned. On any other social you will be blocked. Respect Tommy and their pronouns. This goes for everyone. You cannot missgenderTommy on my stream, Tubbo's, dreams, Nikis Etc it will not be tolerated anywhere. " Wilbur cut in sternly. 

The chat erupted with supportive messages and non-binary flag emojis. It made tommy smile, the fact that their viewers were so supportive in them and would support them. 

"well, that'll be all. It was a short stream I know but it was important. We're doing an smp stream soon so stay tuned for that and I'll see you next time" and with that Tommy ended the stream. 

Immediately they let out a breath they didn't know they were holding and looked over at Wilbur, who was smiling happily at them. They quickly hugged him and started to cry. They were tears of relief and joy. Such a huge relief. 

They both sat there in Tommy's room for a few minutes before Tommt got a text from Tubbo.

**Tubbo: hey have you checked twitter????**

Tommy looked up at Wilbur, who was giving them the same confused expression. They both went to Tommy's computer and went on twitter. 

Nonbinartinnit was trending #6 in the UK.

**Author's Note:**

> Ending sucks ASS
> 
> Did not proof read, haha lol


End file.
